How Becoming a Mother Changed Me as a Therapist

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By Moya O’Leary, PsyD, LPC, PMH-C

Working as a Relational Psychologist

I’m a relational psychologist. I consider therapeutic occurs by means of connection. In remedy, the connection itself turns into a part of the work—we use it to know the patterns my shoppers expertise in their very own lives.

A part of this implies fastidiously navigating my very own feelings. As a therapist, I maintain area for my shoppers’ ache, pleasure, and uncertainty—and on the similar time, I discover and handle the emotions that come up in me. It’s a balancing act: acknowledging my emotions whereas holding the main focus the place it belongs – on the shopper.

Over time, I’ve realized when to set my emotions apart, when to revisit them, and when to convey them again into the room with intention. Generally that course of occurs hours later—whereas driving house, on the treadmill, or within the quiet of a bathe—once I can untangle what belongs to my shopper and what belongs to me.

Changing into Pregnant

Once I grew to become pregnant for the primary time, this course of deepened. The strains between private {and professional} blurred in methods I had by no means skilled. The way in which I discovered I used to be pregnant with my first baby is without end intertwined with my work as a therapist. In 2021, I went to the Crimson Cross to donate plasma, one thing I had finished twice earlier than after having COVID-19 and navigating my fears throughout my husband’s hospitalization.

As I accomplished the paperwork, two issues had been on my thoughts: the timing of the donation (would I make it again for my shopper session?) and whether or not I would want to reveal the potential of being pregnant.

I made a decision to textual content my shopper to allow them to know I is likely to be late or must reschedule. They responded that it was pressing we meet—that they had an appointment at Deliberate Parenthood the next day after discovering out about an surprising being pregnant.

At my appointment, I discussed that there was a risk I might be pregnant. The workers member reassured me there was no specific threat to donating, however added, “Should you had been my daughter, I’d inform you to go house.”

So I left. On the drive, I picked up a being pregnant take a look at. It was instantly constructive, at simply 3 weeks and three days.

I instructed my husband and my mom, processed a flood of feelings, after which sealed all of it away, logging into Zoom to counsel my shopper by means of the choice to terminate her being pregnant.

It sounds brutal. And typically, that’s the job.

This countertransference was in contrast to something I had skilled. My being pregnant grew to become a continuing presence within the remedy room. I sought supervision, realizing I’d ultimately have to inform my shoppers, particularly as a result of I used to be working totally on Zoom and my rising stomach wouldn’t be seen in any other case.

Telling my shoppers was nearly all the time awkward and uncomfortable. As a therapist, you might be skilled to attenuate self-disclosure. Sharing felt vital—primarily as a result of I’d be taking three months of depart—however weak too.

It felt as if I used to be saying: “I had intercourse with my husband, and now you might be dropping your therapist.” So awkward!

My shoppers responded with a mixture of pleasure, concern, and unhappiness. I hated being a supply of tension for my already anxious shoppers. And but, the additional alongside I obtained, the extra I regarded ahead to my depart.

Exhibiting Up For Others Whereas Exhibiting Up For Your self

Reflecting again, being pregnant whereas holding area for others added a brand new layer of depth to my empathy. I lived within the paradox: giving totally to my shoppers whereas studying to carry area for my very own transformation. That meant holding firmer boundaries; taking breaks once I wanted them, and now not scheduling exterior my designated hours. I additionally transitioned into working completely in perinatal psychological well being and have become extra intentional about when and the way I took on shoppers navigating beginning trauma or miscarriage. I needed to make certain I may supply them every part they wanted—whereas honoring what I wanted, too.

Motherhood, like remedy, requires a continuing dance between holding on and letting go—between exhibiting up for others and exhibiting up for your self.

Generally, in these messy, human moments—if you end up holding area for others whereas attempting to carry area for your self—you notice each can coexist. Development occurs not within the excellent steadiness, however in studying to maneuver inside the pressure.

In regards to the Creator

Moya O’Leary, PsyD, LPC, PMH-C

Moya O’Leary, PsyD, LPC, PMH-C, is a perinatal psychologist, licensed as knowledgeable counselor in Connecticut and a licensed telehealth supplier in Florida. She earned her undergraduate diploma in psychology from Rutgers College, adopted by a grasp’s in Scientific Practices in Psychology from the College of Hartford. Whereas working towards medical licensure, she pursued her doctoral diploma at Antioch College New England, graduating together with her PsyD in 2025.

Moya is an authorized perinatal psychological well being counselor and not too long ago launched a digital personal apply targeted on supporting people throughout fertility journeys, being pregnant, and postpartum, in addition to offering look after beginning staff.

Outdoors of her apply, Moya is a spouse and mom to 2 younger kids. She has discovered her calling in strolling alongside people and households by means of the complicated, stunning, and weak seasons of rising a household.